Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
I read an interesting article this week via the Metro News website, on the promises we break as parents. Promises we make to ourselves, about the type of parent we will be, or what we would like to do/not do, as a parent. You can read the original article from Metro News here.
Our promise about dummies.
My wife and I have laughed and joked to ourselves, about the promises we made prior to our daughter being born. The vast majority of which, we broke! The number one promise we made, was that we were not, under any circumstances, going to start using a dummy. After one week, we had purchased 5 dummies and were using them regularly.
It would be very easy in these circumstances to beat ourselves up as a parents. You could feel like you’ve failed immediately, or that you have lost control. However, what you have actually done is set yourself unrealistic expectations, before knowing the realities of what family life will be like.
Flexibility is a positive!
“When you think about it, you are making decisions about your child, before you even know them.”
In reality, the vast majority of parents will have made promises or decisions about how we will parent, only to change our minds. My opinion is that this is a good thing! Every child is different. They develop at different rates. They have their own individual personalities. With this individuality, we need to have a flexible style of parenting.
When you think about it, you are making decisions about your child, before you even know them. Alternatively, you are making decisions about how you would want to respond to your child, completely out of the context of the situation.
It was very interesting reading what the top 10 promises broken by parents were. It reminded me that I am not alone in some of the decisions I made as a parent. This was whilst also reminding me of other promises I had forgotten I had broken!
The Top 10 Promises Parents Break
Here are the Top 10 Promises Parents Break, reported on by Metro News, with the survey completed by Play-Doh:
- Screen time will be limited – 47%
- I won’t shout at my child – 39%
- I’ll never use a tablet as a babysitter – 34%
- I will never bribe my child – 33%
- I’ll read to them every night – 32%
- My kids will never sleep in my bed – 28%
- I will never say ‘because I said so’ – 29%
- My kids will never throw tantrums in public – 28%
- Establishing a bedtime routine will be easy – 28%
- My kids will have good manners at all times – 28%
Screen time.
In top spot, is screen time. This is a debate I have seen rage for a number of years, as the prominence of children’s TV, apps and devices are becoming more widely available. I have quite an open mind when it comes to screen time, therefore, this was not something I thought too much about prior to my daughter’s birth. The main reason being, that screen time is going to become a significant part of my daughter’s life, regardless of what I do. Many primary schools today, utilise tablet devices as part of learning in the classroom. With TV’s, phones, tablets and now virtual reality, it is inescapable that children will be in front of screens as they grow up. However, moderation was my goal. Achieving a healthy balance of screen time, play time and family time, was and remains my goal.
Sleeping in the same bed.
Number 6 is an interesting one. Children sleeping in the same bed as parents. Again, this is a subjective topic, which we will all have our own views on. There are pros and cons to both, however, I would always worry about the safety element of doing so when it comes to newborns and babies. I have worked with parents who love having kids sleep in the same bed and want to cherish that for as long as it lasts. There have also been parents that have started allowing children to sleep in their bed, but now cannot get them back into their own beds. Whilst also there are parents who state that they will never allow children in their beds.
“My wife has told me she definitely isn’t…so maybe that decision has already been made for me.”
My daughter is still young so this is more of a thought exercise for me. However, I am a big believer in routine and keeping things the same for children. This has worked for us so far, as our daughter has been an excellent sleeper. Despite this, I don’t think I could ever say I would never allow her to sleep in our bed. My wife has told me she definitely isn’t…so maybe that decision has already been made for me.
However, I think for me it is a question of moderation and if it does happen, it is a one off and does not become a routine. I can see the appeal of having your children sleeping in the same bed, I imagine it is great for bonding and relationships. My worry would always be the challenge that can come when you decide it is time for them to be in their own beds.
Public tantrums.
The last promise that caught my eye, was “my kids will never throw tantrums in public”. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare, having their child cause a scene in a public place and having all eyes come on to you! I am sure we have all see it happen before.
What I find interesting is that you often see parents react in a way that would be totally out of character for them, simply because they know they are being watched. You could be the calmest parent at home, however, as soon as your toddler starts that public tantrum, it becomes about showing everyone watching you are dealing with it firmly. Unfortunately, this approach tends to make things worse!
Furthermore, this one did surprise me, as I think it is a big ask of any parent to promise themselves that their child will not have a public tantrum. Young children especially, do not factor in where they are or what embarrassment a tantrum would cause. There are certainly strategies and approaches you can use to help diffuse and calm your child, to prevent public tantrums. However, there is no shame in having to deal with a public tantrum every now and then…just some occasional embarrassment!
You are not the only one!
We will all have had discussions about the type of parents we want to be before our child was born. When they are born, everything can change. I see it as a positive that parents can show flexibility and recognise when they need to adapt or change. Therefore, if you are a parent that has broken a promise to yourself, you are not the only one and there can be a lot of positives in doing so!
Question for the comments: What parenting promises did you make and break?
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Haha, I’ve literally broken every single one. My toddler is in bed next to me right now. She had a dummy straight away in the baby unit. Has her own tablet! However, I do try to limit usage. I say do whatever works best for you & your family.
Surely it matters more [as I have read in another blog] that the children have a continuous sleeping pattern.
And not so much WHERE they do it.