Estimated reading time: 10 minutes
Weaning your child of their dummy can be a stressful experience for parents. For some, even the idea of taking it away and what might happen if they do so , is enough to deter them from trying. As a result, some parents find themselves in the position in which they have a school age child still using dummies.
The older they get, the harder it is.
I have worked with a number of parents in this position and what these parents find is, that the older the child gets, the harder it is to wean their child off dummies. Furthermore, overuse of dummies can lead to issues with the child’s speech development and can even impact the position of the child’s teeth. Further information on this can be found here.
Ultimately, there is no definitive age or method in which a child can be weaned with 100% success. Every child, every parent and every situation is different. However, there are some general tips and strategies parents can try, which could increase the chances of successfully weaning your child off dummies. Therefore, I have discussed below three simply tips to consider, that have proven successful with parents who have difficulties weaning their child off dummies.
1. Finding the right time
Ask ten different parents when you should wean children off dummies and you could get ten different answers. A lot of parents who I have spoken to, spend a lot of time thinking about the “right time” to wean their child off dummies. I did it myself as a parent. My wife and I disagreed regularly over when and how we should take our daughters dummy away. As a result, I feel that this is a question that is easy to overthink…I did it myself.
There is no “right time” that applies to every child. Realistically, it is a case of finding the right time for YOUR child and YOUR situation. As a result, this means that only you can answer the question of when is the right time to take away your child’s dummy. However, there are some points you can consider that could help you answer that question.
Consider the age of your child.
First point to consider, is how old your child is currently. Are you planning ahead as to when to start weaning? Or do you think you need to start weaning sooner rather than later?
If you are planning ahead, my advice would be to have a flexible idea of “when” and base your decision on your child. For example, when our daughter was 18 months old, my wife and I felt that she was at an age in which we could explain to her that the dummy was going to be taken away and that she would understand it. She may not accept it, but her understanding what was happening, was our trigger point to take it away. So we didn’t base our decision on age, more her level of understanding.
If you have an older child and think your child needs to be weaned off dummies sooner rather than later, my advice is simple. Just start weaning now. Dependent on how you wean, it could take a period of time before your child is dummy free anyway. Therefore, starting now may be the best decision for you, rather than waiting. If you feel your child is ready and you feel ready, make a commitment to starting to remove the dummy. Ways and means of doing so will be discussed below.
How often is the dummy used?
A second point to consider, is how often the dummy is used. Does your child use a dummy just for naps and going to sleep? Or do they regularly have use of the dummy throughout the day? How much the dummy is used will inevitably have an impact on how quickly your child can adjust to not having it. If the child is used to having a dummy throughout the day, more time may be needed to phase out use of the dummy. As a result, the process of weaning the dummy away completely, will likely take longer.
Are you ready as a parent?
A final point to consider, is your own capacity as a parent to commit to the dummies removal. Some parents can face a number of challenges when they have removed their child’s dummy. Sleepless nights, lots of crying and even the possibility of a few tantrums. Parents need to be prepared to meet this challenge. Therefore, it is worth considering if you are in the position to meet these challenges if you are faced with them.
As a small point of note, not all children respond in the ways described above! Some children adapt very quickly and positively to the change. However, it never hurts to be prepared!
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2. Phasing it out
So you have decided that now is the time to wean the dummy off your child. You have considered the age of the child, how much they have used the dummy in the past and you feel ready as a parent to commit to it! So now what?
A common and effective strategy to try, is gradually phasing out use of the dummy. However, again this would be dependent on how much you used the dummy in the first place. For example, if the dummy is only used through the night and not at all through the day, it may be easier to simply remove the dummy and let the child adapt.
However, if use of the dummy is more frequent for your child, a phased approach may be easier for you and your child. How you phase out the dummy and how long you phase it out for, is entirely up to you. You may want to take a slow and steady approach over a longer period of time. Or you may choose to phase it out quickly, over the short term. There is no one answer to these questions.
I will use my own situation as an example. Prior to our daughter being born, the goal of my wife and I was to not use dummies at all…don’t laugh, we were first time parents and had no idea! However, once our daughter was born and we discovered the magic way of stopping your newborn baby crying (dummies), we started to use them more regularly. Being new parents, we were probably guilty of over using dummies at times, however, I don’t think that is uncommon.
What I did…
We made the decision to begin scaling back use of the dummy when our daughter was around 1 year old. Usually, she would have it whenever she was upset and when she slept. But we started to feel like we were using dummies too much, therefore, we started the process of weaning her off them. We reduced use to sleeping only initially. She struggled at first, as she learned to sooth herself to sleep, but she soon adapted and we felt that she accepted that dummies were now for sleeping only.
Coming up to the 18 months old mark, we agreed that she had the level of understanding to now cope without dummies entirely. Therefore, we again agreed a plan of phasing the dummies out, by firstly removing dummies for her day time naps. As you would expect, she struggled to get to sleep with this change to her routine. However, we stuck to it and eventually, she did start to get herself to sleep without a dummy. This then set us up for the night sleeps. When we decided to remove the dummy through the night, we had prepared ourselves for more of what happened with the day time naps. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case! She adapted really well and we only had one initial period of tears (30mins or so) for one night. After which she fell asleep with no problems at all…we couldn’t believe it!
This whole process took a few weeks. Now I certainly know that it is not always this easy. However, the phasing out method is something that can be really effective when done it a consistent way. There are a number of different ways you can phase out dummy use, so decide a way that works for you and your child.
3. Sticking to it!
Once you have a phasing out plan in place, the next step is simple in principle, yet challenging in reality. Stick to your plan!
Children need consistency and repetition to learn and adapt to new routines. When it comes to taking a dummy away, this is especially true. It can be very confusing for a child if they have a dummy taken away one day, but are allowed to have a dummy the next day. Therefore, it is important that as a parent you commit to your decision to take the dummy away and do so in a planned and consistent way.
Challenges you could face.
In doing so, you may be facing a range of challenges. Your child may become very upset, may struggle falling asleep or may even display tantrums or defiant behaviour. All of which can be common and will vary dependent on the age of your child. As mentioned previously, you can face a lot more challenges when weaning dummies, the older your child gets.
The most important thing…
It is absolutely essential that even in the face of these behaviours, you stick to your plan. However, it can be such an appealing option to just give your child a dummy when faced with these behaviours. It would be an immediate answer that stops all the behaviours and calms the situation. However, this does not serve you or the child well in the long run. All you will have done is teach the child that crying, screaming, misbehaving, works in getting their dummy back! Therefore, they will repeat this every time you try removing it.
If you worry you may give in, you could just get rid of all the dummies in the house. That way you have no choice!
It isn’t easy, but these types of behaviours don’t last forever. Your child will learn and they will adapt. Do your best to push through these difficult periods and you will be thankful you did in the future. It is the short term battles that win the war!
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Summary
The strategies and tips discussed above are just some of a range of options you can try as a parent when it comes to weaning your child off a dummy. Some parents have success just removing the dummy immediately and permanently. Other families have success with older children by telling the child they are giving the dummies to “Santa”, then removing them completely. These are also worthwhile considering.
However, the tips I have discussed above are the ones I have seen work firsthand, with both my own family and a number of other families I have worked with in the past. You know your child best. You know what will likely work, so trust your judgment and stick to that.
Weaning children off dummies is a challenge faced by many parents. You are not alone if you are struggling. However, I hope that some of the points discussed above provide some food for thought as to how you can begin your own journey of weaning your child off dummies.
Share your weaning stories, tips or questions in the comments below!