Estimated reading time: 9 minutes
As a parent, what piece of parenting advice would you go back and give yourself if you could? What would you say to your younger self when you were about to become a parent for the first time? Or maybe you were going through a particularly difficult time with your child in the past?
The benefit of hindsight and experience of overcoming these challenges all lead to us being able to have a valuable insight into what we could do differently, what is important/not important or identifying something we missed.
Why parents helping parents is so important?
It is this insight that is incredibly helpful for other parents to hear. Most of the time parents will automatically be presented with parenting advice or tips from professionals or experts online. However, what is often missed is just how valuable and impactful advice from other parents can be. Parents who have gone through similar struggles, overcame them and have the benefit of hindsight to reflect on what worked or what did not work.
I think the concept of parents helping other parents is extremely valuable. Whilst professional advice/support provides a useful scaffold to follow, the insight and thoughts of parents who have lived these experiences provide a unique alternative.
As a result, I reached out to groups of parents and asked them the very same question I asked at the start of this post. What piece of parenting advice would you go back and give yourself if you could?
The aim was to be able to share these pieces of parenting advice to other parents who are looking for real life advice, from real parents. All with the hope that these unique perspectives from different parents, will help with any new or experienced parents out there, parents who are just looking for some realistic and honest bits of parenting advice.
All the examples below have been gathered from different parents and I have also shared my own list at the end of the post. I hope you find them helpful, and I would encourage you all to share any of your own pieces of advice in the comments below!
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What would advice would parents tell their past selves if they could?
On the challenges parents face…
#1 “Let things go!“
My thoughts: Short and sweet, but is certainly something worth remembering. As parents you are faced with challenges on almost a daily basis. This can take a toll on how you are feeling, your relationship with your partner or even your relationship with your child. Therefore, it is important to try to let the little things go. Try and move on as soon as you can to avoid any emotional build that will impact how you feel or act.
On any worries you have as a parent…
#2 “Things will work out well. You have been preparing yourself all your life for this, you just never knew it. They will keep you young. They are the ones to teach you how to live well.”
My thoughts: This is such an important message that this parent has shared. You do not get a manual of how to look after a child when they are born. Therefore, we all have that sense of fear and apprehension when we first bring them home. You have to trust your instinct and you will soon find you are more capable than you think!
Related post: The Importance of Understanding Your Parenting
On your partner…
#3 “Don’t forget about your spouse in the hustle and bustle of raising kids, or they will get their needs met elsewhere and not communicate with you while you are focused on the kids. Then you will be blindsided by a bunch of issues.”
My thoughts: New parents especially, need to work together and be conscious of each others needs as they embark on their parenting journey. Even the most solid of relationships can be tested.
Related post: 5 Reasons Why Parents Need to Work Together and 3 Easy Ways of Doing So
On setting boundaries…
#4 “My biggest piece of advice is to learn about setting boundaries. It is so important to do with the in laws, with your child and with your partner. This includes boundaries around how you want to parent and how you want to be taken care of or have selfcare.”
My thoughts: Great piece of advice from this parent, clear and consistent boundaries that are in place for both your children and with your partner, help define and shape day to day life. It can be effective to ensure that these boundaries are established together, so you are all on the same page.
Related post: The Importance of Being Clear, Calm and Consistent – Parenting Tips
On capturing moments…
#5 “Take a lot of pictures and videos! We have videos of things like my son drinking a bottle, sleeping in his bassinet, tummy time; just those precious small moments. I’ve been putting all my son’s pictures into a shared drive on my phone and I LOVE looking back on them.”
My thoughts: This is something I still need to get better at! But this parent is exactly right. I really struggle to remember a lot of the early days, so taking more videos and pictures are great snapshots that bring these memories flooding back.
On recording how you feel…
#6 “I highly recommend you keep a semi-daily journal on your phone, of all the big and small things that you experience as a first time parent. I only started doing this about 5 months after my children were born. I regret not doing it sooner, because those first few months are such a blur that you will not remember a lot of the little things that happen during this time.”
My thoughts: A lovely suggestion from this parent! Whilst it is not something I have done myself, I could see it being a great way of capturing your honest thoughts and feelings in the moment, which can be later reflected on. This is certainly something I am going to think about doing in future!
On self care…
#7 “Do not have any expectations and don’t feel guilty when you want self care.”
My thoughts: Having too many expectations can significantly shape how you feel about being a parent. I often talk about my own expectation of not using dummies/pacifiers with out daughter when she was born. This lasted two weeks, before we realised that both we as parents and our daughter needed them ha! You have to be prepared to change your expectations. It is also important to remember that sometimes self care has to be scheduled and does not always fall into your day to day plans.
On helicopter parenting…
#8 “Try your best not to be a helicopter parent.”
My thoughts: If you are unfamiliar with the term “Helicopter Parent”, you can read more about this by clicking here. But in summary, it is the style of parenting that is considered to be heavily involved with everything your child does. In essence, hovering over their every move. Personally, I agree with this piece of advice this parent has given. Your children need space to explore, learn and make their own mistakes.
On sleep routines…
#9 “Try a different sleep routine. Do not rock them to sleep every night. Figure out how to get them to self sooth and go to sleep on their own.”
My thoughts: Each parent will have their own version of what they want the sleeping routine to be with their child. Some parents encourage co-sleeping, others like the children to sleep independently from an early age. My personal opinion is to agree with the statement this parent has made and help your child learn to self sooth early. It may just save a lot of stress and issues in future. But there can be pros and cons on both sides.
Related post: 5 Points to Consider when Establishing Sleeping Routines with Our Children
On your expectations…
#10 “Some days, you’ll only be able to hold your baby and that is ok. Lower your expectations and do not compare to other parents/babies anywhere.”
My thoughts: Really good piece of advice from this parent. Comparison especially is an exercise that rarely yields anything positive. The internet is filled with parenting content that often can make aspects of parenting look easy. Which is rarely the case. Don’t believe everything you see online, don’t believe everything you hear about parenting.
Related post: Parenting Advice for First Time Parents: 20 Tips for New Parents
On self care…
#11 “Take care of yourself. Make sure you drink enough water and get enough food. You might not get enough sleep, but please try instead of googling solutions all the time. If your tank is low, you will lose your temper more and make poorer decisions.”
My thoughts: Again, another important piece of advice around self care as a parent. I agree with everything this parent has said. You have to make it a priority to take care of yourself as it won’t happen on it’s own.
On the parenting journey…
#12 “It’s ok to not know exactly what you are doing. The kid thinks you know everything and doesn’t realise that half the time you are flying by the seat of your pants. Take a deep breath and remember that parenting is a marathon and not a sprint. You’re going to get it wrong sometimes. You’re not perfect, one mistake is going to mess your child up.”
My thoughts: This parent has explained the parenting journey pretty well! The journey is full of ups and downs, where you make mistakes, learn from them and then make more mistakes. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. There are no parents out there that have made no mistakes. The key is learning from them and not making the same mistake twice.
Related post: 5 Challenges I Faced When Parenting a Newborn
(“My Baby Memories” – Affiliate Link)
What I would tell myself?
Here is my list of five things I would go back and tell myself:
- It is ok to ask for help! The reason I say this is because I felt a lot of pressure to show that I can deal with all the challenges I faced as a parent and asking for help was admitting defeat. This was far from the case! The reality is that all parents need help at times. It is ok to ask those around you for help. More so, those around you want to help. So don’t make my mistake, ask for help when it is needed!
- You and your partner are a parenting team. Therefore, getting on the same page when it comes to parenting is so important. You have to work to ensure that you are aligned in the way you want to raise your child. Also, you need to develop a way of communicating positively if there are disagreements.
- Self care is vital, you have to look after yourself to look after your child. Therefore, take time for yourself and allow your partner to do so as well if possible.
- Whatever your expectations or plans are, be prepared to adapt and change them as you cannot predict what will happen. We had a number of plans of what we want to do and how we wanted to parent, then boom…COVID. Life is unpredictable and it is important that you aren’t married to an idea, as you have to be flexible to how your child is and the environment you find yourselves in.
- It may feel hard in the moment, but the happy memories are the ones you think back on the most. Like many other parents, I had some tough times early on as a parent. However, when I now think back, it is the happy memories that shine through. Therefore, try not to dwell on individual moments or worry too much about the future, as your perspective will completely change in time.
Summary
You can see from the range of different pieces of advice given by other parents, a general theme has been around self care and expectations. For any new parents, or even more experienced parents who are looking for advice from other parents, it is useful to remember the following:
Firstly, recognise that all parents make mistakes and do not set yourself unrealistic expectations that will set you up to fail or think negatively about yourself.
Secondly, it is essential that you look after yourself as a parent. If possible, work with your partner to find time for self care. Even 10minutes of quiet and relaxation can make a difference, you sometimes just have to make that happen!
Finally, remember to take snapshots of those positive memories and moments. Parenting is a journey of ups and downs, therefore having these positive memories to look back on can help you remember in the difficult moments, that they will pass and good times will return.
Please share any of your own pieces of parenting advice, tips or strategies in the comments below, for other parents to read!
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