Estimated reading time: 12 minutes
Becoming a parent for the first time can be an overwhelming experience. New parents will typically lean on family, friends and other parents for tips and advice. I have worked with expecting and new parents throughout my career and I became a parent for the first time myself almost 3 years ago. As a result, I wanted to share my collection of little tips and pieces of advice for any new or first time parents. I hope they help!
Communicate with your partner/family.
New parents are going to go through a period of significant change when they bring their baby home. It will feel like almost all aspects of your life are changing. This can be tough to deal with for first time parents and it requires a lot of work to navigate this change.
One key piece of advice I would give to help new parents going through this, is to consistently work on your communication with your partner/family members supporting. Talk about your feelings, your struggles, ups and downs, philosophies of parents…anything and everything! Communication is key to everyone working together and being on the same page. This is very helpful when it comes to parenting a newborn.
Related: 5 Reasons why parents need to work together and 3 easy ways of doing so
When people offer help…accept it!
As a new parent, it can be a common feeling to want to manage and do everything yourself. I certainly felt like this and I went through some really tough situations by myself, which I didn’t have to do alone.
So my advice is simple, if you have friends or family around you offering help, please just accept it and feel no guilt in doing so! It could be watching the baby so you can take a nap. It may be buying some food or groceries, or doing some chores for you. They aren’t offering because they think you are not coping, they are offering because they want to help.
Related: Why is parenting so hard?
Everyone can struggle, don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
First time parents are going to face their fair share of challenges. However, the difference between a new parent and an experienced parent, can be the pressure you put on yourself. Many new parents want to strive for perfection, whilst this is the ideal for any parent, the reality is that perfection does not exist when it comes to parenting.
You will make mistakes. Some may be apparent immediately, some may take months of years to realise. Parenting is a process of constant learning, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You don’t get given a manual of how to look after your baby when they are born, so be realistic with your expectations of yourself.
Related: 5 Challenges I faced when parenting a newborn
Find a sleeping routine that works for you.
A common piece of advice given to new parents is to “sleep when your baby sleeps”. This can work for some parents, but not all. For us, my wife and I never really did this. Instead, we found our own routine of helping each other have time to rest or have some down time regularly.
For example, with night feeds, we would alternate who did the feed. We would also ensure that we did the feed away from the sleeping parent, so that person could have some undisturbed sleep. Through the day, we would give each other breaks to just be able to nap or relax for a short period of time. That worked for us. So my tip is to think about a sleeping routine that will work for you and your partner, you don’t necessarily have to sleep when your baby does.
Related: 5 Points to consider when establishing sleeping routines with children
You can take on board too much advice.
There is a strong likelihood as a new parent that you are going to subjected to a range of different pieces of advice or tips for caring for your baby. However, if you are given too much advice, or take on board too many different opinions, it can feel quite overwhelming.
Therefore, just be conscious of not completely overwhelming yourself with too much information and too much to think about. Your parenting instincts will guide you!
Don’t rely on social media videos/reels .
Social media is awash with advice for new and first time parents. “How to guides”, “Reels/Videos of parenting tips” or any other short videos or images making an aspect of parenting look very easy. It is not always the reality, so please don’t believe it is.
A lot of these influencers or accounts will make these videos as their full time job. They will commit hours to make a 30 second video, showing a “parenting hack”, or a “quick guide”. These videos whilst well intentioned, can make many parents feel inadequate for not doing something as well, or finding it tough to do something at all.
There can be some really helpful and insightful videos or pieces of advice online. However, be mindful that in some cases…it is not the reality of parenting!
Related: What fears/worries did you have as a first time parent? (My list of 10)
You don’t need to buy every baby product out there.
As a first time parent, I fell into this trap. I felt that I needed every baby product or toy out there to help my new baby develop and be safe. However, this can be incredibly expensive and in reality, is not necessary.
With my little girl, I found that the toys she enjoyed the most, were toys that were homemade (e.g. put pasta in a plastic bottle and you have made a rattle). Of course, there are essentials you will need, but try to think carefully about if it is something you need, or just something that you want.
You must look after yourself to look after your child.
It may sound simple or be a cliché, however, new parents have to allocate some time and effort to looking after their own health and wellbeing. Of course, all first time parents will make their new baby their absolute priority. But if you neglect yourself, it makes the caring for your baby a lot harder. Find time to rest and do something you enjoy when you can!
Related: 6 Common reasons parents can feel like they are failing
Breastfeeding isn’t for everyone and that’s ok!
This is a personal one for my family, as my wife had particular difficulties coming to terms with the fact that breastfeeding was not possible for her. Most health services will understandably push breastfeeding as the primary option for babies. In the UK, the term “breast is best” is often used.
However, I feel it has got to the point where for those mothers who are unable to breastfeed are made to feel like a failure, when they are not. My wife certainly felt like this and it contributed to her struggling with Post Natal Depression.
So if either choose not to go down the breastfeeding route, or are unable to do so, you are not alone and you’re a not a failure. You will still raise a healthy and wonderful little baby.
Build a daily routine.
To give your day some structure, it can be helpful for new parents to build a daily routine to follow with their baby. Having a structure can help first time parents navigate their way through each day and organise themselves and family life.
This routine will likely be based around nap/feed times, however, you can add in little activities like bonding time, tummy time or trips out the home.
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Ask for help when you need it.
This is something I struggled with as a first time parent. I felt guilty about having to ask for help, telling myself that I was a failure if I needed help. I couldn’t be more wrong.
All new parents will need help from time to time. So if you need help, please just ask for it! Ignore those feelings of guilt, get comfortable with working together with friends or family. Every parent who has gone through it will understand, so the best piece of advice I can give is to ask for help when you need it!
Related: Being a parent and struggling with mental health
Crying is communication.
Becoming a parent for the first time, you will quickly find that your baby crying can send what feels like an electric shock through your body (especially at 2am!) However, it is an important distinction to make that your baby crying, is not your baby expressing sadness, it is their form of communication.
Some parents I have worked with in the past, try to ensure their baby never cries as they think it is their baby feeling sad. It is an almost impossible task. Your baby crying is its only way of telling you something is wrong. They could be hungry, tired, need changing or just want some attention. So don’t worry if you feel your baby is crying a lot, you will soon learn their different types of crying and understand their needs.
Avoid making comparisons.
It can be very easy as a new parent to compare yourselves, or your baby to other families. Very simply, my advice for new parents is not to do this. Every baby is different, every set of parents is different. Ask any parent who has multiple children, how different was raising one child to the next?
Take inspiration or advice is one thing, but making direct comparisons will rarely yield anything useful, as there are too many different factors that make comparisons unfair and unrealistic.
Create some bonding time with your baby.
Bonding time can come in different shapes and sizes. Cuddles and closeness with parents is often how it starts. As your baby grows you can begin to add other little activities as part of your bonding time. I used to joke with my wife and say that I had daily PE (Physical Education) lessons with our daughter when she was a baby. These lessons involved her lying on her back and me just being close with her helping her make different movements, encouraging her to move her head and generally just giving her space to move around with me close by. However you wish to bond, don’t fail to appreciate the difference this makes when repeated over time.
Related: 10 Simply Activities to help bond with your child
Challenges/phases will come and go.
“Phases” or challenging periods will come and go for most first time parents. What these challenges or phases are, can change from family to family. For us, we really struggled with our daughter having Colic. She would cry non-stop from 4pm-10pm every day, for a period of weeks. I had a bit of a breakdown myself during this period, as I was struggling to cope.
Whatever your challenge is/will be, it will pass, it does get better and make sure you ask for help and support when you need it.
Some babies develop faster than others, don’t panic.
All new parents will want their babies to be healthy and develop in line with the expected milestones. However, it is natural to worry or be concerned if you feel your baby’s development is not going as expected.
It is important to remember that children can develop in different areas at different paces. A child may be struggling to learn to walk, but be an excellent sleeper. Another child may develop speech very quickly but refuses to eat anything.
Similar to what I noted above, try not to make comparisons with other children and if you are worried about your baby’s development, seek advice from a health professional.
Create a “responsibility rota”.
When you have two new parents, it can be a helpful idea to divide the responsibilities you each have and then rotate them periodically. This allows each parent to support each other, contribute to the care of the child and understand the roles they are playing.
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Imagine what you want life to be like in a couple of years and start working towards that now.
When first time parents are thinking about routines for their baby, the vast majority will think about the here and now. However, it can be a useful exercise to ask yourself what you want family life to look like in the years to come. The work that goes into that can sometimes start straight away, especially with sleeping routines as an example.
Many parents look backwards and think about things they wish they did differently that would have helped. Therefore, my advice for any new parents, is to think forwards and give yourself the best chance of getting to where you want to be as a parent.
Be flexible with your expectations.
First time parents will have hopes and dreams of what they want family life to be like and how they want to be as parents. My advice is, prepare to be flexible with those expectations. You could have all the best plans in the world of what you are going to do when your new baby arrives. However, life and babies do not always fit with these plans.
I laugh with my wife now, because we were adamant before our daughter was born that we weren’t going to use dummies. Within a week, our daughter was using dummies to sleep with every night. Whatever your plans or expectations are as new parents, my advice is to be ready to be flexible and understand that you may need to change your thinking when your baby arrives!
Related: 3 Tips for weaning your child off their dummy/pacifier
Enjoy the ride!
Being a parent is the most challenging job we could have. However, it is so important to try and enjoy it! Let’s be realistic, it is hard to enjoy the periods of inconsolable crying or sleepless night. However, be reassured that these aren’t the times that you look back and remember.
I think back and remember by little girls as a baby cuddling into my arms whilst feeding at 2am and how I now miss those times. Enjoy every experience you can, as without warning, you will have done your last night feed or you will have blinked and suddenly have a toddler!
Feel free to share your own ideas for other parents in the comments below!
(This post contains links from affiliates of this blog. If you make a purchase via the links, you will get a discount and I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to yourself. So everybody wins! All affiliate links will be labelled as such).
I can imagine that being a parent of a new born brings with it so many changes, challenges and learning curves; I am sure this post will help anyone currently in this phase of parenting. Really great info for those of us without children too as we can better understand the unique experiences of those in our life who have just become parents. Thanks for sharing!
Not having to buy every baby product is one I wish I knew when I was pregnant. This list will be very helpful to all parents out there.