Estimated reading time: 15 minutes
Relationship with schools.
Issues with schools can be common and something a lot of parents have to deal with. A parent’s relationship with their child’s school, can make or break the whole school experience. All parents hope to have a positive relationship with school. Quite frankly, a lot of the time having no communication with school is the best outcome, as no news usually means good news! However, for a lot of parents, relationships between home and school can sour. When this does happen, it creates a fragmented support system, which inevitably makes school life harder for the child.
My experience.
I am fortunate enough to have seen both sides of the coin, with my early career spent working in schools. I started out as a Teaching Assistant for children with Special Educational Needs in a Secondary School. Following this, I then moved on to working as a Year Manager for that same school. My last post in a school setting was working as Pastoral Lead for a Primary School. In these last two roles, I would be the link between school and home. I would be the person calling you when your child was off school!
As a result, I do have the benefit of understanding the common issues parents have with schools. I know what goes on behind the scenes and what schools can/can’t do to support children. However, I also chose to stop working in schools for this very reason. My goal has always been to support the children that need it most. Unfortunately, I began to see more and more that schools do not always share this goal. All too often, I would see children labelled and a target put on their back. This, rather than the child being understood and supported appropriately.
On the other hand, I will say that in all schools there will be some incredibly dedicated and committed staff who want to help and support those children who need it. I have seen schools with excellent support procedures, policies and facilities. The common theme I have noted with these schools, is that there are a lot more happy parents with excellent relationships with their child’s school.
As a result of the above, I wanted to share my thoughts on some of the common issues parents can have with schools.
1. The child being blamed for behaviour.
Most children will misbehave at some point in school. I know I have done it, I am sure you will have done so as well. However, behaviour can become a problem for schools if rules are consistently broken, causing disruption to the learning or safety of other children.
Schools are usually quick to jump on behavioural concerns, following whatever policies they have in place to manage behaviours. Should negative behaviour occur too often, schools will likely contact parents. It is from here that issues can arise between home and school.
The one size fits all approach.
Whilst I completely agree that negative behaviours in school need to be responded to, they need to be responded to in the appropriate way. Which is where I think some schools fall short. Often, schools will have a one size fits all approach to discipline, which may work for some, but certainly not for all.
On the occasions in which actions taken by school don’t work, it is not uncommon for schools to blame the child for this. Behaviour is a form of communication for a child. When a child is behaving in an inappropriate way, there will be a reason why. The challenge for school, is that this reason can often be difficult to pin point. Rarely do schools have the time, staff, patience, desire or resources to sufficiently pinpoint the reason why. Without knowing why, how do you know if you are taking the appropriate course of action?
Finding the root cause for behaviour.
As an example, lets say a child in a classroom scrunches up their worksheet and throws it on the floor, refusing to complete the work. What would a teacher likely do in this situation? Detention? Sent out the class? Told off? What if I were to say the child actually has undiagnosed dyslexia and that they are scrunching up their work. The child does this as they find the work too difficult and this is their way to cope. Would the teacher respond the same way if they knew this? Or would it make more sense to make adjustments to the work to make it more accessible?
It is a made up scenario. However, it highlights how finding out why a behaviour occurs, can help uncover root causes of behaviour and then lead to more appropriate support being offered. This is something some schools can certainly get better at and unfortunately, is a common issue that parents have with schools.
The definition of insanity.
“The definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Unfortunately, this can be the approach of a lot of schools out there. Children who are behaving negatively in school, are finding themselves being blamed for not changing their behaviour. Despite the fact that school are doing exactly the same thing over and over and it not working for the child. This leads to parents getting more frustrated. In turn, school gets more frustrated and the child is left feeling blamed, helpless and more and more unwanted by school.
It may be an ideal world approach to sufficiently investigate all behaviour, all children display. However, I do think schools can do with a reminder that behaviour happens for a reason and it is worth finding out that reason.
2. The parent being blamed for a child’s behaviour.
Blaming parents.
In addition to blaming the child, I have seen on a number of occasions parents being blamed by schools for their child’s behaviour. This could be by blaming their parenting skills, their parenting approach or a lack of support for school. It is another common issue with schools and a one that is very frustrating for parents.
This could be done indirectly, by school suggesting parenting support to address behaviour in school. This usually doesn’t go down too well. Or directly, by school telling a parent that their parenting is the issue and they need to do something about it. Which almost never goes down well! Whilst what happens at home may be a factor, blaming a parent for what happens in school, opens the door for a lot more conflict.
For me, when this blaming happens it is the school trying to absolve themselves from any responsibility for what is happening. The reality is, if behaviour is continuing, there is always more that can be done from all involved. Working together to resolve the problem, will yield a lot more positive results than blaming.
It may be the case that behaviours are occurring both at school and at home. Additional support at home may be beneficial. However, how many productive and helpful conversations start with someone being blamed.
My hope is that this is something not many parents reading this have experienced! However, I fear that this is an increasingly common issue parents have with schools.
3. School attendance
School attendance concerns can be one of the more challenging issues for both parents and schools to deal with. There can be a variety of causes to a child’s attendance dropping. Whatever the reasoning, schools are required to follow them up quickly.
Safety first.
I have done this job myself in schools. The priority is ensuring the safety of the child. Which is why schools will call parents each day they are absent without reason. However, I know all too well this can become irritating to parents if there are ongoing reasons why their child is not attending.
In these scenarios, schools will often threaten parents with referrals for fines. This is something schools have to do at a certain point. However before doing so, it is again important to try to understand why attendance is a problem.
“School refusers”.
The term “School Refuser” can often be thrown around by schools. I still currently see it on a lot of professional documentation in my current job. However, I would ask, is the child actually a school refuser, or are they just unable to attend?
What I mean by this, is that a child may come across as though they are refusing to attend, but in reality they are just unable to attend as they cannot cope in the school environment. The label of a school refuser, places the blame at the child and parents feet. In many cases this couldn’t be further from the truth. Therefore, understanding the cause, triggers and child’s view on school is essential, so that you can appropriately understand the situation and avoid labels that misrepresent what is happening. It is a simple and common issue with schools, but a one that has a big impact by labelling a child or family.
Understanding why.
Unfortunately, when it comes to school attendance parents are going to be challenged and pressured by schools. In part, this is because schools have to do this as part of their legal responsibilities. However, parent pressure is not always the answer and in many ways, can result in a parent thinking that they will just stop answering calls. Therefore, as there may be no immediate answers when it comes to improving attendance for some children, it can remain a common source of conflict between schools and parents.
The important step to take is to first of all understand why there is low attendance. Understand what support can be offered and who by. Whilst also, giving parents and the child some time for this support to be effective. A combination of a short and long term view on support, can be an effective way that schools can support children with low attendance. Attendance issues aren’t fixed over night, but can be with a collaborative and supportive approach.
4. A lack of understanding and support from schools.
The most common issue.
Parents who feel as though schools are not supporting/understanding their child, may be the most common issue I have come across with schools. It can be a source of huge frustration, when parents feel as though they are constantly fighting for support. Furthermore, many parents feel like schools simply do not understand their child, mischaracterise their child and label them inappropriately.
If I had £1 for every time a parent has told me that their child’s school is not doing anything to support, I may well be able to build my own school. Although, sometimes these sort of comments from parents can be made in the heat of the moment. Alternatively, parents and schools can disagree on how to support a child, but this does not mean schools are not being supportive. However, it cannot be ignored that there are times in which schools do not support children in the way that they need it. This can be for a variety of reasons.
Pressure.
My personal opinion is that the pressures placed on schools from OFSTED, Local Authorities or Academy Trusts, can heavily influence school decision making. On a number of occasions I have met and worked with children, who with the right support, could function well in mainstream schools. Despite this, they have found themselves being permanently excluded and their education and lives significantly impacted. It can seem that children who negatively impact those key school data points, find themselves in the sights of school. The focus of school being on a quick resolution, rather than the right resolution. These quick resolutions are usually in the form of exclusions, permanent exclusions or managed moves.
I will say, that sometimes exclusions, permanent exclusions or managed moves are the right step to take. Ultimately, schools can only do so much and when the end of the line is reached. Schools hands can be tied. However, I have witnessed first-hand these steps being taken prematurely. Usually, this is purely as a strategy by school to get rid of the child and therefore in their eyes, the problem. Sadly, this is a common issue with schools and a one that is only seemingly getting worse.
Understanding is key.
Again, I firmly believe this is down to the pressures school face. Those schools that are under pressure, may not give the fullest amount of time to sufficiently understand a behaviour, or why a certain approach is not working. Without understanding the behaviour, you are just guessing at what support might work. If this support does not work, rather than looking inwards at what school can do differently, many schools will blame the child and be shipped off to another school or another provision.
Ultimately, I feel this is a bigger issue than just individual schools. I do have a lot of sympathy for some school staff. Most want nothing more than to support those children who most need it. However, decisions on what happens can often be taken out of these staffs’ hands.
Finding support.
For parents facing any of these issues with schools, I would advise that you explore what options of support you have in your local area, under the Early Help umbrella. What support is available varies from area to area. However, I work in this field currently and there are a number of services who would advocate for you and your child. These services can ensure that schools are challenged if they are not supporting the child appropriately. It is not a guarantee of change, as every situations needs to be looked at on a case by case basis. However, having more people in your corner can only serve to increase your chances of getting the support you need.
5. Bullying.
Prevention is better than the cure.
Prevention is better than the cure. However, you could have all the best preventative measures in place, children will still occasionally target one another. When this happens, a fast and effective response is what is required and is what parents will look for. After care is also important. Making the child feel safe in school and give them options of support and staff they can speak to, can be very effective.
There are a lot of schools out there who have implemented some excellent anti bullying policies and have significantly reduced instances of bullying in their schools. However, bullying still does happen in schools today. Unfortunately, there are still parents who feel that their child’s school do not suitably address this. The common frustration I hear from parents regarding bullying, is a lack of response from schools or parents’ concerns being dismissed. Many parents have felt the need to change schools as a result of continued bullying.
Social media.
With social media being so prominent in children’s lives nowadays, bullying that takes place in school, rarely just stays in school. Often, bullying can start online and then be brought into school. Children who are impacted have little room for escaping bullying. Therefore, it is so important for schools to work with parents when addressing bullying concerns. Unfortunately, I have worked with parents who have had their concerns dismissed, because the bullying has originated or primarily takes place out of school. It is these sort of actions, which lead to bullying escalating and parents losing faith in school’s desire to help. Of course, this type of scenario is not the majority of cases. In my experience, the vast majority of schools take bullying very seriously and act promptly.
Finding support.
If you are concerned with how your child’s school is responding to a bullying allegation, I would advise you seek out the school’s Anti-Bullying policy (usually found on the school website). Use this policy to make sure school is acting in accordance with their own policy. If they are not, this can be something you reference with them, to make sure they do.
6. Support for Special Educational Needs and Disabilities.
A lack of support.
Unfortunately, I have worked with a number of parents in the past, who have had issues with schools and felt completely unsupported, when it comes to support for Special Educational Needs. I recall an instance in which I was supporting a child who had a diagnosis of ADHD and was under assessment for ASD. School were aware of this, however, appropriate support was not put in place. The child was struggling to cope with school life without this support. Ultimately, this child was permanently excluded for his behaviour. This was despite displaying behaviours completely in line with his diagnosis, which could have been avoided if the appropriate support were in place to meet his needs.
This example is not representative of all schools and all families’ experiences with schools. However, this type of situation is unfortunately all too common.
On the flip side, there are a lot of schools that are committed to ensuring that their SEND children receive all the help and support they need. These schools will listen to parents, understand what the child’s needs are and make sure that the appropriate support is in place to meet that child’s needs.
On the balance of my experiences, parents of children with SEND often speak more on the barriers and conflicts they have with school, rather than the positives of support their child receives. I have a lot of sympathy for parents in these positions, as it often comes from a lack of understanding, or willingness to understand children with SEND.
Downward pressures.
Ultimately, schools face their own downward pressures in regards to student behaviour, attendance and attainment. As a result, anything or anyone who compromises these school standards could find themselves being challenged by the school. This can be regardless of the child’s needs or underlying causes.
However, within schools there will be staff that are understanding and supportive of children with SEND. It is unfortunate that sometimes the downward pressures schools face, seem to take priority over understanding and supporting children with SEND. Although I do reiterate, there are schools out there that are excellent are supporting SEND children. Therefore, it is important not to lose faith in all schools.
My hope is that if you have a child with SEND, you feel supported by the school your child attends and your child is flourishing. If this is not the case, I would advise you contact your local SENDIASS team. Alternatively, seek contact local support services for advice and support. Take a look at your Local SEND offer, in which you can find online and read the schools SEND policy, which will likely be found on the school website.
Summary.
The issues discussed above are reflective of my own experiences working in school. In addition, the parents I have worked with in other roles. On balance, it is important to note that these issues are not representative of all schools and what happens in every school. I have worked with a number of extremely supportive, empathetic and proactive schools that make children’s welfare their priority. Parents of these schools speak incredibly highly and support the school 100%. My hope is that more and more parents can have similar experiences and that some of the issues above, become less and less common.
Question for the comments: What challenges have you faced with your child’s school? Are there any other common issues with schools you have noticed?
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