Estimated reading time: 14 minutes
We would all love our children to just behave and act in a positive way all of the time. The reality is that some children require support and motivation to understand how to behave positively and to turn this into every day behaviour. This is where effective reward ideas can be really helpful for parents. Effective in supporting their children to behave more positively, more often and eventually reaching the point in which it becomes an everyday behaviour.
However, I will firstly add that in my experience the most successful reward systems are those that are partnered with effective consequence systems. Ideally, there should be an equal balance to rewards and consequences. Positive behaviours lead to positive outcomes and negative behaviours lead to negative outcomes for your child. Should you wish to read more on the consequence side, I discuss this in depth here.
In this post, I have detailed below some of the most successful reward ideas that I have seen parents use and implement with their children. I have also detailed approximate age ranges of children that these reward ideas could be used with. However, these are approximate and you can use your own judgement to determine if the reward ideas are appropriate for your child. Some you may have heard of before, others perhaps not. I add my own thoughts and experiences as to what can make these successful, offering my suggestions and what to try and avoid with each.
1. Money Jar.
(Ages 4 – 14 years old approx.)
If you are unfamiliar with using a money jar. The simple explanation is that you have a jar or container located in the home, in which money is added for each time a positive behaviour or action is displayed by your child. Whilst it is a simple concept. There are a number of variations and points to consider which can impact how successful it is.
Some important points to consider include; how much you can afford to add to the jar? Can this be done for the long term? If you have multiple children, can you afford to do the same for each child? (Because the other children will ask!) What specific behaviour will result in money added to the jar? Has this been communicated clearly to the child? How often can the child access the money in the jar?
Using a money jar isn’t right for every family. However, I have worked with a number of families who have been able to successfully use a money jar and it has made a significant difference.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: First of all, identify an amount that you will add to jar. Choose whatever fits your budget and is an amount you can commit to for the long term. Target a specific behaviour that you want to see more of and link this to a specific amount earned for that behaviour.
For example, 5p every time your child says “please” or “thank you”, or 10p every time your child follows an instruction first time you ask. Finally, make sure that this is very clearly explained to your child. Let them know how they earn the money, how often they can earn it and most importantly…how much they earn!
Try to avoid: Avoid taking money out of the jar as a consequence. If your child has earned the reward, they deserve to keep it. Take something else away as a consequence. Taking money away will only devalue the reward and the child will lose interest. Also, try to commit to this for the longer term. Sometimes these type of rewards need time and repetition to be effective. If your child sees that the money jar is rarely used, they won’t be as motivated to try and earn the reward.
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2. Pasta Jar
(Ages 2- 11 years old approx.)
A “pasta jar” is a creative alternative reward idea to the money jar. The idea behind this reward, is that a jar is filled up with an item like pasta pieces, each time a positive behaviour is displayed. Of course it does not have to be pasta. You may use something like marbles. However, pasta is often something that is cheap to purchase and something you can get lots of, which is why pasta is often an easy option.
The difference with the pasta jar when compared to the money jar, is that you can be more flexible with how quickly the jar is filled. Furthermore, you can be creative with linking rewards to the jar being filled to certain levels. For example, you may draw lines on the jar to signify a quarter full, half full and three quarters full. At each level, that may grant the child a specific reward. For example, a quarter full the child earns a cinema trip.
As a parent, you may choose how many pieces of pasta are added to the jar for each behaviour. The more positive the behaviour, the more pieces added at once. Therefore, this reward grants you a lot more flexibility and as a result, be applied to more wide ranging behaviours at once.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: When deciding what rewards can be earned when the jar gets filled, ask your child for suggestions. You will be surprised how many children recommend reward ideas that the parents would never have thought of. Also, it helps the child buy into the idea more if they have been part of the decision making.
Try to avoid: Again, avoid taking pasta out the jar as a consequence, for the same reasons as mentioned with the money jar.
3. Sticker Charts
(Ages 3 – 9 years old approx.)
Sticker charts are a very popular and well tested reward idea to motivate young children in particular. They are often used by schools as a way to both reward and monitor positive behaviours in a visual way. Sticker charts can be adapted by parents in a number of ways to promote positive behaviours or assist in building positive routines.
For example, your child may earn a sticker for brushing their teeth, eating vegetables, using manners or whatever behaviour is a focus for you. It is usually most helpful for stickers to be earned for specific, targeted behaviours. This is because it makes it more clear to the child what behavior they need to display or repeat.
For an additional piece of reinforcement, it can be helpful that additional rewards and earned for an accumulation of stickers. For example, 10 stickers means the child can pick a movie or meal.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: Make sure behaviours that earn stickers are clearly explained to the child and clear on the chart itself. Make sure the chart is visible in the home as a visual prompt each day.
Try to avoid: Avoid removing stickers as a consequence, take other items away from the child.
4. Activity Jar
(Ages – All ages)
If you are more creative or are happy to allocate some extra time to a reward idea, an activity jar can be a very exciting and different option for you and your child.
The idea is that you and your child note down as many different activities ideas as you can on individual pieces of paper. Once written, fold them up and put them in the jar. Examples could include, a trip to the park, go to beach, cinema trip, shopping trip, film night or gaming night. Whatever they are, make sure you check and agree to them all!
When you feel it has been earned, your child can go to the jar and perform a “Lucky dip”, in which they pick out an activity at random and this is their reward.
It takes more time, but it can be a highly effective reward idea that your child may really buy into! You may even go super creative with it and allow the child to design their own jar or decorate it as an additional activity. This all adds to the child buying into the concept and being interested in earning the rewards. Add as many rewards as you can, little and large and the excitement of not knowing their reward can be a lot of fun for children.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: Be as enthusiastic as possible! Be as excited as your child and motivate them as much as you can to earn these rewards. Just make sure you make it clear to them how they earn the rewards and be on the lookout for them doing so.
Try to avoid: Be prepared that some of the rewards may not always fall in line with family life! Try to think ahead when agreeing what activities are added to the jar. For example, adding a weekend holiday to the jar may be a bit too big to do at a moment’s notice!
5. Activity choices
(Ages – 10+ approx.)
If you feel that your child is too old for something like the activity jar. An alternative reward idea can be to have a direct conversation with your child to agree a specific activity reward that would suitably motivate your child.
This may be more appropriate for older children who may have a more realistic understanding of what is, or is not realistic. However, putting your child in control of what their rewards would look like can be particularly impactful.
There are almost endless different activities that may be agreed as reward ideas. Ultimately, it is down to the you, your child and your circumstances to dictate what the reward would be. However, don’t underestimate the impact of going up to your child and telling them you want to help them earn more rewards, what would they like to earn?
Want to try it?
My suggestion: Whatever the reward, make sure you link this back to a behaviour. Your child needs to fully understand what will/won’t earn them this reward. Communication is key.
Try to avoid: Where possible, avoid committing to an activity that you are not 100% sure can be fulfilled. The integrity of you rewarding behaviour will be lost if you are unable to fulfil the reward, especially when your child has done their part.
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6. Additional activity time
(Ages – All ages)
It is a simple, yet effective reward idea to try. If your child does something positive and you want to reward it, they earn additional time on an activity of their choice. For example, you may have a 5 year old who earns 30 minutes more playing with their toys. Alternatively, you may have a 15 year old who earns an extra 30 minutes on their games console.
This is a repetitive reward idea that can be used frequently so your child can build up time. You child may earn 5 minutes per positive behaviour displayed. For example, 5 minutes each time your child uses manners appropriately. Therefore, you could tally the time over the course of a day.
This is a reward idea with a high degree of flexibility and a one that has a lot of success, as the child get to do more of what they like.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: Agree together with your child how this reward will be used. Make sure they know what behaviours earn the time and how much they will earn.
Try to avoid: Try not to remove time given as a reward, as a consequence. Find an alternative consequence that can be used instead.
7. Increased pocket money
(Ages – 10+ approx.)
Older children and teenagers, can be particularly motivated by money. Many parents utilise a “Pocket Money” type system to control how money is given to their child. The opportunity to earn additional money can be very enticing for some children.
As a result, this is an opportunity that can be seized upon by parents, to motivate their child to earn more money through positive behaviour. In the UK, there is a popular debit card and app call “Go Henry”. This allows a parent to set tasks to their child to earn money, with the additional benefit of improving your child’s money management. This may be something worth looking into and a lot of parents enjoy using. (I am not paid to say that! It is just based on positive feedback I have had from families who use it).
If this is not for you, a more informal approach may be taken in which certain activities or behaviours can earn the child a certain amount of money. For example, washing up each night earns 50p extra. There are a variety of ways this can be used, therefore, try and make it focused on behaviours you want to see more of.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: Agree something in writing! Design your own contract which details how much your child can earn, for what behaviour. It may seem over the top, but it can be an enjoyable and more serious way of committing to your child that you will do what you say, so long as they do their bit!
Try to avoid: Make sure any extra payments are feasible in the long term for you. The last thing you want is having to stop paying extra after a week due to the cost, which would de-motivate your child.
8. Additional freedoms
(Ages – 10+ approx.)
Older children, teenagers in particular, crave for additional freedom in their lives. Therefore, this can be utilised as a reward idea by parents to their advantage!
When I talk about freedoms, this can include; their curfew, bed time, where they are allowed to go, when they can go or even how they go. For example, the conundrum many parents face is when they can trust their child to go further afield or be granted more independence. Therefore, this can be linked to a child’s behaviour.
An example could be that your child is allowed to stay out 30mins longer with friends than they usually would. Alternatively, your child is allowed to go on a shopping trip with friends to a place that is further afield or somewhere they haven’t been before.
There are a huge number of examples that could be used as reward ideas, however, it is important to focus on what would be most appropriate for you and your child. However, it can be an effective motivator for an older child who is looking for more freedom.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: Link the reward idea to a specific behaviour or set of behaviours. If the reward ideas is particularly large, ensure that the behaviours needed to earn that reward are appropriate matched.
Try to avoid: Before agreeing any reward ideas, ensure that all aspects of the reward is considered. It can sometimes be easy to agree an activity or reward, however, when it comes to the practicalities, there is a lot more to be considered.
9. Let them choose!
(Ages – All ages)
If all else fails, why not just ask your child what reward ideas they have?
Parents can sometimes think they know best and introduce reward ideas with no input from the child. Whilst done with good intentions, these reward ideas simply may no resonate with the child. Therefore, it can be sometimes the simplest option, to ask your child what they think a suitable reward idea would be. Then work backwards to agree what behaviours need to be displayed to earn this.
Work together, agree it together and you may be surprised as to how effective this is.
Want to try it?
My suggestion: This can sometimes be the best place to start. Dependent on the answer your child gives, this may lead you into one of the reward ideas already discussed above.
Try to avoid: Ensure it is fully understood by the child that the reward idea is entirely dependent on them displaying an agreed behaviour. If this behaviour is not displayed, there is no reward!
Summary
In summary, the above reward ideas are a collection that I have witnessed myself be effective with children and families. When implemented in a clear and consistent way, children can significantly change their behaviour and build positive habits for the future.
What is absolutely key, is that you commit to any reward idea for at least 4 weeks. It can be easy as a parent to feel that after a few days it is not working. Sometimes children need to see that you are committed and need time to adjust and get used to new system. Even if you feel it isn’t working, try and give it plenty of time for changing what you do.
Hopefully, implementing an effective reward idea will be an exciting and motivating time for you and your child. However, I always recommend that reward ideas like the above, are used in partnership with effective consequence structure.
Have any of your own reward ideas you would like to share? Let me know in the comments at the bottom of the page!
These are some great ideas of parents to try out; thanks for sharing!
Thank you very much!