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Child phone addiction is becoming an increasingly common problem for parents to face. For many children, losing their phone is like losing a limb and they will fight hard to maintain control of it. This level of challenge can lead to many parents asking, “How do I get my child off their phone?”
Children nowadays have known nothing other than being surrounded by technology. Whether this be Televisions, tablet devices or phones. Children quickly become accustomed and competent at using these technologies. I recently saw a clip online of a child being shown a rotary dial telephone and they didn’t even know what it was! I suddenly felt very old.
What child phone addiction can look like?
Children who use these technologies can quickly become addicted to the stimulation and entertainment that they provide. You can notice if your child is becoming addicted by their response when it is taken away. Do you see emotional reactions? Behavioural changes? A desperation to get the technology back? Dependent on the child, these type of behaviours can go on for a while.
One common factor I have seen when working with families, is how quickly this phone addiction can grow in children. If allowed to continue, some parents may find themselves in the position where they cannot get the phone off their child, or be able to monitor their phone use. This opens the door to a range of other risks if a child has unmonitored phone use. Especially if they are online or using social media.
Related Post: 6 Tips to keep your child safe online
Therefore, I wanted to offer some advice and suggestions to any parents who are struggling with their child’s phone addiction. Below you will find 6 different aspects to consider when thinking about how to stop phone addiction or how to get your child off their phone.
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1. Seeing it through your child’s eyes
When thinking about how to how to deal with your child being addicted to their phone, it is important that you firstly try to see it through your child’s eyes. Our children are growing up in a completely different social culture. The days in which a child goes to knock on the door of a friend to see them are seemingly long gone. Nowadays, technology is front and centre in children’s social life.
As a result, a child will view the removal of their phone, as a removal of their social life. As parents we have to understand the difference and impact this can have. Again, this importance of the phone to the child is what can fuel the phone addiction the child has. This can make it more difficult for parents to get the phone off the child.
Therefore, when thinking about your own child, take a moment to consider how your child views their phone use? How important is their phone to them? What do they use it for? How often do they use it? What would the impact be if your child didn’t have their phone?
Thinking about these questions can set you up to consider solutions to potential problems/barriers your child will have. Furthermore, you may have a more understanding view point of why your child responds the way they do if their phone is removed. This can make you better prepared as a parent to respond to that challenge.
2. Household rules/expectations
The next consideration for parents to make, is to think about what household rules/expectations you have around phone use.
Typically, you will find that the households who have clear and established rules around phone use, will have fewer challenges to deal with when it comes to phone addiction. On the other hand, families that have had no rules around phone use, may find significantly more challenges with phone addiction.
Therefore, as a parent you need to first of all understand what your starting point is. Are you starting from no rules and no expectations? Do you have some rules around phone use, but would like to make changes? Or do you have some long standing rules, but they are not working?
Regardless, if you have a child who is addicted to their phone, the likelihood is that they have had too much exposure to it. The amount of time this takes will differ from child to child. However, this may be your cue as a parent to start to think about how to stop the phone addiction. This can typically start with a change to the rules/expectations in the home.
Examples of some phone rules could be, limited amount of time on the phone each day. Designated times of day where phone use is prohibited or rules around parents being able to monitor phone use. Dependent on how significant your child’s phone addiction is, will dictate how much action you need to take as a parent.
Related Post: Why you should avoid using repeated warnings/threats with your children
3. Negotiation
The reality is, a parent simply setting some new rules around their child’s phone use, that parents have decided themselves, is unlikely to be successful on it’s own. Therefore, the next consideration to make if your child is addicted to their phone, is to think about negotiating the new rules with your child.
Children (especially teenagers), love to be in control. If you have a parent who suddenly presents a bunch of new rules to their child that they don’t like, it will be an uphill struggle from that point. As a way of getting around this, negotiation or discussions around new rules, will help your child feel included in the decision making and partially fill that need for control.
You can be tactical with how you use this. You can present your child with a set of options. For example, you could say to your child that they can either have phone use for 2 hours per night at a set time. They could have 2 hours total but you choose when or even 3 hours per night if they complete a chore. Of course this is a made up example. However, you can see that the choices presented are all ones that the parent feels is acceptable. The difference is the child feels like they are making the final decision. If appropriate, you can negotiate some details or add on extra elements to the rules as you see fit.
Ultimately, just because your child has agreed to the rules, does not mean they will follow them without challenge. Especially if this is all new to them. However, it does give you a better starting point and allows you as a parent to refer back to the fact that the child chose the rule, not you!
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4. What are the alternatives for your child?
When thinking about how to stop phone addiction or if you think your child is addicted to their phone, simply taking their phone away without thought of what they will do instead, can lead to more problems.
Phones provide children with a lot of entertainment and stimulation. Therefore, it can be difficult to replicate this if it is taken away. It is important for parents to consider what alternative activities do they have if their phone was taken away? If your child is bored, inevitably you are going to hear about it. They are going to put pressure on you to give them their phone back.
As a parent, this can be your opportunity to guide your child into other activities, clubs or groups that can give them that same stimulation. Especially if these are activities out of the home or in a social setting. These would fill some of the gaps left by phone. Alternatively, think about activities in the home that your child could be doing. Whether this be something creative like drawing/arts and crafts, or something practical like cooking or making something.
However, be mindful of not putting too much pressure on yourself to resolve this entirely for your child. Especially if they refuse all alternatives. Yes you can provide options. But ultimately this is their issue to resolve and if they refuse all options and want to remain bored, allow them to do so!
Do not give in and give them their phone back. This will do nothing for stopping their phone addiction or their respect for your rules.
Related Post: 10 Simple activities to help bond with your child
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5. How to take action?
Inevitably when your child is addicted to their phone, despite understanding the child’s views, negotiating rules and providing alternative options, our children will test these new arrangements. Children are supposed to test boundaries as they grow up. This is how they learn and understand the world around them. So expect a degree of challenge with any new rule you implement, especially if you are dealing with your child’s phone addiction.
What I mean by taking action, is your response as a parent to your rules not being followed. If your child is to learn that your rules are serious and for the long term, they need to see you take them seriously and take swift action. Logically, it makes the most sense for the consequence for not following rules to be an immediate removal of the phone or reduction in time they have.
I have written some previous posts around implementing consequences, that could be helpful for this, see below.
Related Post: 3 Key Steps to Using Effective Consequences With Children
Related Post: The Importance of Being Clear, Calm and Consistent
6. “But my child won’t give me their phone…”
One of the most challenging aspects parents can face when trying to take action against your child’s phone addiction, is when their child refuses to hand the phone over. It is possibly the most common issue parents share with me when I suggest to them taking their child’s phone away. Many of these parents laugh at just the suggestion of trying to do this. Such is the level of control the child has and how addicted that child is to their phone. But if this is you, don’t worry! There are steps you can take if your child doesn’t hand their phone over.
What you can do if your child refuses to hand over their phone?
If you have asked your child for their phone and they refuse, firstly let them know that the longer they take to hand the phone over, the longer you will keep it when you get it. You want to encourage your child to choose to hand the phone over, simply forcing them to hand it over by being physical or sneaking it away, rarely works in the long term.
Secondly, allow a period of time for them to make the decision to hand their phone over (e.g. 20mins or so). This also gives time for the situation to de-escalate. If they have still kept their phone, you can remove their internet access by disconnecting the Wi-Fi (or change password if others are using the internet too). This may limit what they can use their phone for in any case.
Thirdly, if they persist in not handing their phone over, you can remove their phone charger. Batteries rarely last longer than 24 hours nowadays, so soon their phone will be useless without their charger. Then you have the leverage and remember, the longer they keep it the long you keep it!
Also, a lot of phones are purchased via contracts usually in the parents name. Therefore, remember as a parent, you are in control of the contact and you can always take the step to cancel a contract or change a contract if you wanted to take it to that level.
These are just examples of what alternative steps parents can take to encourage their child’s cooperation. It avoids unnecessary conflict, demonstrates that there are always steps you can take if your child refuses to cooperate and reinforces that you are serious about your rules. However, it is essential that you follow these actions through, stick to them consistently and remain calm throughout!
Related Post: 7 Steps to Encourage your Child to Follow Instructions
Summary
When it comes to phone addiction, trying to get your child off their phone or trying to stop a phone addiction occurring, we have to take into account that these devices and apps are designed to be addictive. Many adults are glued to their phones day in day out. Therefore, can we blame our children if they fall into this trap too?
However, if you have a child addicted to their phone and you wish to address this, be mindful of the impact this can have on them and their social life. Discuss with them what they use their phone for. When would be a good time for them to have access to their phone and what restrictions are fair/unfair.
Furthermore, consider alternative activities that will encourage your child to choose to put their phone down. Have clear rules and expectations around phone use and the earlier your star these the better. Finally, if the time comes to take action if rules aren’t followed, do so swiftly, logically and in a clear, calm and consistent way. Stick to this over time and you will see changes in your child’s phone addiction and it will give you a much clearer idea of how to stop your your child being addicted to their phone!
Share your thoughts, stories, opinions below in the comments!
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Wonderful tips! Jotting these down for when my kids get older! I feel like this is a challenge for many parents!
Thank you Amanda!