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Knowing how to support children with Autism is not always a clear or easy task. Whilst there are common traits, behaviours or barriers for children with Autism, it is important that the support offered to these children is unique and tailored to their individual needs.
Whilst I continue to learn more and more about Autism, I do not consider myself an expert in Autism in any way. However, I have supported and learned from countless families over the years who have children with Autism. One striking similarity I find with the vast majority of these parents, is that they truly are experts in supporting their children and understanding how Autism impacts their child’s day to day life.
However, for parents who are unfamiliar with how Autism affects children or have limited knowledge of Autism, supporting children with Autism can be an immense challenge. As a result, I wanted to put together a list of advice and tips that I have seen be very effective in these families that I have worked with.
It is important to remember that a child’s individual and specific needs should be considered when thinking about how to support your child. However, the suggestions below are all ones that I have seen make a significant difference to the parent and the child.
1. Predictable and Consistent Routines
For children with Autism, having predictable and consistent routines and environments around them is essential. Typically, children with Autism do not cope with change very well. This could be change to a routine, change to a plan or change to an environment.
I always remember a family I worked with, in which there was a 7 year old boy who had Autism. His mother worked very hard to establish a morning routine which was very rigid and stayed the same each day. The first part of that routine was the boy having a specific breakfast cereal. However, one morning his mother had realised she had forgotten to buy more of this cereal. When the boy realised this, his behaviour became very emotional and challenging. The mother described it as “World War 3” in the house. It just goes to show how the smallest change in routine can have a significant impact on a child with Autism.
Therefore, it is important for any parent who has a child with Autism to consider how consistent and predictable family life is for their child. Are the morning and evening routines the same each day? Does the child know what to expect throughout the day? Do you give your child notice of any change to plans, routines or environments?
All the above questions are considerations you can make when thinking about your own family life. It is an incredible challenge for parents to maintain such high level of awareness and planning. Undoubtedly, parents will not always be able to prevent change, as this is part of life. However, when it comes to supporting children with Autism, thinking about these aspects of home life can make a significant difference.
Related post: 5 Points to Consider When Establishing Sleeping Routines With Children
2. Visual Aids
A helpful way of establishing routines can be through the use of visual aids. Examples of visual aids include, visual timetables to help the child understand the plan for the morning/day/evening. Furthermore, visual timers can help the child understand the length of an activity or task. Visual rewards can also be impactful. Using rewards like sticker charts or rewards jars can be highly effective.
Whilst visual aids may not be effective with every child, it is a useful strategy to try when supporting children with Autism. I have seen them be particularly effective when it comes to establishing new routines. For example, you could have the new routine written in a bright and visual way, being displayed somewhere the child will regularly see it. This constant visual reminder will further embed the routine, alongside your verbal explanations.
Another way of using visual aids is to use a sand timer/visual stopwatch. This helps the child understand the length of an activity or how long they have to complete a task. A common trait you may see in children with Autism, is that they can move at their own pace. Furthermore, they may get distracted or take a long time to complete a task/activity. Therefore, use of these visual timers may help the child stay focused, understand the concept of time and help ensure that tasks/activities are completed in a timely manner.
Again, these strategies may not be effective with all children with Autism. However, they can be worth trying!
Related post: 7 Steps to Encourage Your Child to Follow Instructions
3. Understanding Triggers
Understanding any triggers for behaviour is very important when it comes to supporting children with Autism. Knowing what triggers behaviour in a child with Autism, will allow the parent to take steps to avoid or prevent these triggers from occurring. In turn, this will then prevent repeated instances of any behaviour or emotional dysregulation.
Three types of triggers
In my experience, common triggers for children with Autism can usually be categorised under three areas. An unexpected change around them, sensory overload or a lack of control/feeling out of control. Again, this is just my own perception from my own experiences…it is not an exclusive list!
Unexpected change could be a change of plans, something different happening to what the child was expecting or could even be just the look of their clothes or home changing.
Sensory overload can be when there is too much sensory stimulation around the child and they are finding it difficult to cope. For example, a child could be in a busy shopping centre, a loud room or be in a room that is too bright and vibrant.
A lack of control or feeling out of control, could be when something is happening to, or around the child that they do not want to happen. For example, a sibling may take one of their toys, another child might not be playing a game they want to play or the family are going somewhere the child does not want to go.
There are a range of other triggers that can be discussed. Dependent on the level of need, there will also likely be other triggers that may not fall into these categories I have noted. Regardless of the trigger, it can be very useful for parents to have awareness of the triggers that impact your child. This is so a parent can put a plan in place to reduce exposure to these triggers, which will ultimately benefit both the parent and the child.
Related post: Why Is It Important To Understand The Root Cause of Your Child’s Behaviour?
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4. Meeting Sensory Needs
As an additional point to what is discussed above. Meeting the child’s sensory needs is an important way that parents can support a child with Autism. Parents will be the experts in their child and will know which sensory stimulation their child can/cannot cope with.
Therefore, finding ways to ensure that the child’s sensory needs is met can have a huge impact. Examples include, using ear defenders if the child is going into a loud environment. Alternatively, using a toy/item that provides comfort and distraction if you are going into a busy environment.
One of my favourite suggestions, is to create a “Bag of calm”. A bag of calm is a bag full of sensory items that the child can go to when they are overloaded or in distress. Items in the bag could include materials of different types that they can hold, stroke and touch (e.g. soft fabrics, fury items etc.). In addition, soft or squishy toys, and bubbles you can blow or whatever item that your child finds comfort in using. This bag of calm can be used in and out of the home and gives the parent an option to support their child if they are overloaded or in distress.
Related post: 9 Simple and Effective Reward Ideas to Help Motivate Your Child
5. Importance of Repetition
When supporting children with Autism, it is important to recognise that repetition is going to be important. This can be repetition of a skill or activity, repetition of routines or repetition of instructions.
Again, this may be more relevant for some children over others. However, many children I have worked with require new ideas, routines, tasks or instructions to be repeated over and over. This can be frustrating for parents who may feel that repeating themselves is not what they should have to do. I have always tried to remind any parents who feel like this, that it is not a case of their child ignoring them. It is more a case of the child has not fully absorbed the message or instruction. To support them with this, requires repetition so the child can hear the message more and more and allow it to be absorbed.
The more a routine, task or instruction is repeated, the quicker it will be absorbed. This is so long as it is done in a positive way and communicated in method that the child understands.
Related post: Why Won’t My Child Listen To Me?
6. Allowing More Time and Space
It is a difficult balancing act for parents of children with Autism. Understanding when to act on a behaviour or when to allow the child time and space, isn’t always easy. Sometimes when a child is upset or overloaded, intervention from the parent can only add more fuel to the fire. Therefore, it can often be an appropriate strategy to allow the child some space for their emotions to settle on their own.
Of course, there is no exact science to this. Parents must decide with each specific incident, when is the time to act and intervene and when is the time to take a step back. There are a number of considerations to make when deciding which approach to take. For example, the environment you are in, how challenging the behaviour is at that moment, what the trigger for the behaviour was or what your child is telling you in that moment.
There is no one answer as to when a parent is to intervene and when they should take a step back. However, just be aware that is can sometimes be the best strategy to allow your child time and space to calm in their own time and not every incident requires your immediate action and intervention.
Related post: 3 Key Steps to Using Effective Consequences With Children
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7. Managing “Meltdowns”
I am sure that many parents of children with Autism will have experienced their child having a “meltdown”. This could be in the privacy of your own home or the nightmare of it being out in public. Either way, these situations present immense challenge and pressure on parents. Especially as there is usually no immediate solution.
When it comes to managing these situations, my general advice to parents has been to first of all understand if the behaviour is a result of their Autism, or the child knowingly breaking a rule.
How to respond to behaviour?
It is an important distinction to make, because if a child is simply reacting to something that is in line with what you would expect from a child with Autism, you know the child may not be able to help themselves. Whereas, if a child knows what the rules are and is knowing breaking that rule, this requires an altogether different response. Children with Autism can still try and test boundaries and knowingly misbehave! The challenge for the parent is telling the difference.
If behaviours are in line with the child’s Autism, I would always say that the child needs supporting with their behaviour. Whereas if a rule is being knowingly broken, these behaviours need to be challenged.
Supporting behaviour comes in different forms. It could be providing emotional support or comfort. It could also be to help problem solve with the child to help fix an issue or prevent an issue occurring again. Challenging behaviour may be the use of a consequence to reinforce a rule or prevent that behaviour being repeated.
There could be a hundred different reasons for meltdowns and a hundred different answers. However, you can start by understanding the trigger/cause of behaviour. Understand what level of control the child has over their response, and consider the environment you are in, before then determining if your intervention is required or if the child may benefit from some time and space.
Related post: 5 Steps to Deal With Your Child’s Emotional Behaviour
8. Dealing with Schools
Unfortunately, it has been a common point of conversation with parents I have worked with, that their child with Autism is not adequately being supported by school.
I have worked in schools myself and more specifically, in the Special Education Needs department of schools, supporting children with Autism in the classroom. As a result, I have seen first hand the benefits of what good support in school looks like for children with Autism. On the other hand, in my more recent job roles, I have also seen the damage that schools can do to families and the prospects for young children with Autism.
Supporting children with Autism is something nearly all schools will say they do. However, in reality this is not always the case. Schools can sometimes set up children to fail by not providing the appropriate support or environments. Schools may even blame the parents and say that it is their “parenting skills” that is the issue. I previously worked with a family in which the child was permanently excluded from school for displaying behaviour in line with the diagnosis they had. Even though the school were not following the support plan the child had. Unfortunately, some schools simply do not give children a chance.
What to do?
Therefore, if you find yourself in a similar position when it comes to your child’s school, there are a few things I would suggest. First of all, make sure you speak directly to the school’s Special Education Needs Coordinator (SENDCo). Ensure that they are aware of the issues. Ensure the support plan is being followed and if not, action is taken by school to make sure it is. Parents can also request the school’s policies on supporting children with special educational needs. These can often be found on the school’s website. Finally, you can utilise specialist services who support families with children who have special educational needs. Services like SENDIASS or speaking to the SEND team in your local council are both able to offer advice and support if you are having issues with school.
My hope is that these type of issues are becoming less and less common. However, from what parents are telling me, it doesn’t seem to be the case.
Related post: 6 Common Issues Parents Can Face With Schools
9. Specialist Groups and Support
In a lot of cases, supporting children with Autism requires the help and support of specialist services. In my current job role, I am responsible for sourcing the appropriate support for children, parents and families. As a result, I have found that there seems to be a significant gap in the support that is available for families with children who have additional needs.
The availability of support varies depending on the area in which you live. I have worked across different local authorities in the North East of England and have found the gaps are similar. Furthermore, when there are specialist services available, waiting lists can be months or years long.
Despite this, it always worth exploring what options of support are available in your local area. There are examples of some excellent services that provide wide ranging support to families and children who have Autism.
Related post: Why Parents of Children with Special Education Needs/Disabilities Deserve So Much Praise
10. Celebrate their Autism
Finally and perhaps most importantly, is to celebrate your child’s Autism. Supporting a child with Autism can largely be down to making them feel no different to anyone else. Autism is not something that needs to be hidden away or be embarrassed about. I have worked with many children who have Autism and I find them all to be truly remarkable young people. Each with their own unique view on life. Their enthusiasm for subjects that matter to them is lovely to see.
I still remember a young 5 year old who had a diagnosis with Autism. He would come in to school each morning and tell me the most detailed and amazing story of how he got into school that morning. Usually involving a helicopter and being parachuted in. Just giving this time to allow him to tell his stories was one of my favourite parts of the day.
Children with Autism can view the world very differently. Therefore, rather than trying to change this, immerse yourself in their world with them. It can be such a rewarding and enjoyable experience. Autism has its challenges for parents. However, there are as many if not more, positive moments and experiences that parents can share with their child. All the parent has to do is to look for them and celebrate them with their child.
Related post: 10 Simply Activities to Help Bond With Your Child
Summary
I have so much respect for parents of children with additional needs. Supporting children with Autism requires the parent to maintain such a high level of awareness, planning and preparation. It is almost an impossible standard to uphold.
I am no expert in Autism, I don’t have Autism, nor do I have children with Autism. As part of my job, I have completed training courses on Autism and have worked with hundreds of children with Autism over the years. As a result, I have been lucky enough to work with some incredible parents who are some of the most motivated, committed and innovative parents I have met. The above strategies are a combination that I have seen these parents use and make a massive difference to the children and the whole family. My hope is that it provides some more families with some inspiration as to how they too can support children with Autism.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, experiences or stories in the comments below!
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Excellent article. You’ve covered a lot of points here and given some really useful ideas and tips. I have friends with children with autism and I’m amazed at how they manage to cope at times. It’s not easy. I’ll be giving these a try.
Thank you very much Jo!
This is a great and thorough post, extremely helpful for those who have children on the autistic spectrum. I have worked with people with these specific needs and understand specifically around routines and visual aids. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work
Thank you very much!
This is a very great article. I found it really informative. Thanks for sharing with us.
Thank you!
I found this article so helpful! You’ve covered some great points, thank you for sharing!
Thank you very much Niamh!
I can see that parents of children with autism will find this really useful — and it serves as a good reminder to those who don’t have any experience with this to learn what they can do to be supportive and understanding. Great advice and information!
Thank you Molly!